I sought someone who would be "good for me" in my life. In allowing whom I believed would be good for me deeper into my life, I realized the paradox in failure of attempt. The person I should have let deeper into my life is always good to me, takes care of me without question, comforts me when I'm down and I suppose he stands with his sword unwavering as well. I pursued and got used, all the while the one who would have actually been "good for me" kept caring for me. As open as I am, I don't think I press myself to my sword hard enough.
Instead of pressing myself into my own enough and putting my emotions at risk of rejection, I stay where I am and observe. I will never find the person to stand into their sword with me if neither of us are willing to push, chancing potential pain. I seem to seek the ones who will hurt me, not the ones who will shield me. I will know I've found the right person for me when we have shields around each other and still expose ourselves.
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