I appreciate my own baggage.

I'm intrigued by my own adventures in love, or at least the attempt toward something like it. I am at peace with the notion that I will probably be at least 30 by the time I find someone I will spend time with the rest of my life. I'm extremely difficult, whether it's because I'm too open to share myself, whether it's my intensity of emotion, or whether it any one of the items in my big, bulging, rolling suitcase of baggage. I appreciate my own baggage. I carry it proudly. I earned it, in a way. I carry pain, fear and insecurity, but I've learned from every ounce. I am more complicated because of it. But it makes me who I am and I appreciate that. 

I know I need someone with at least as much history as me. Sure we'll pay the extra fee and get the "heavy" tag strapped on by a tiny elastic band, but that is what I seek. I seek someone who has learned as much about himself as I have and am learning about myself. Every piece builds me up. The man who is meant for me will want to discover what holds me up. Hopefully it will take years to completely uncover each other, understanding a little more every day, continuing the mystery.

I embrace opportunity with wide open arms and a vulnerable heart. My openness is seen as something strange and scary or relieving and encouraging. It takes an open person to accept an open person. I walk straight in, with my arms, heart and mind wide open. I have no walls that need breaking down. So far, my absence of walls causes me to break down afterward because the men in my life try to build one around me. This is when I break down. Once someone builds a wall for me, it pains me to take it down. Piece by piece. With each block I tear back down, I analyze, every conversation, every glance and every stance I ever had. I'll will wish I had done something different, but it usually comes back to not having a wall. Despite that, I still refuse. I didn't do it different for some sort of reason.

I am not fearless. I have fear, I have a tremendous amount of fear, but I know when my fear gets in my way, I will not fly anywhere I want to be. And I want to go to and be in great places that will make me proud to look back and remember my path.